3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
