If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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