Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize