oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
