Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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