rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
