I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So many bounce houses so little time
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
