you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
