Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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