Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize