Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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