Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
