I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
