i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
