Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
