I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
