i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
