I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
