she kept yelling 'call me bella'
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
