In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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