His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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