Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
