If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize