fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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