she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize