yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
