we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
