i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
