I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
