piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
