But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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