She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
