Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize