C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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