I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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