forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This house was built for laser tag.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
