I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
