She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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