Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
