Rock
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Fuck
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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