The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
