I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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