your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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