i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
