We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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