hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
