sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
