Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
