Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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