Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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