3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
