I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
