CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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