i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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