I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
