eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
