Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just sucked dick on a ferry
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize