porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize