5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
