Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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