why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize