what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
