actually, I'm a sock model
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
