i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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