Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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