Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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