I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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