Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
