I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
