Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
