He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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