If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
