Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
