Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
