and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
