I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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