Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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