The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
