In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
