Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
