the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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