You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
