Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
