Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize