Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
