I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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